Cultivating The Masculine Warrior Part 1

The Warrior Seeks To Accept Himself, Not Please Others

From childhood onwards we are taught that the highest achievement is the approval of others. 

We are taught what I refer to as the unwritten barter charter, in order to succeed in the world and fit neatly within it, we must behave a certain way so that people will treat us the same way back. 

If we gain disproval from others, we feel guilty and wrong and adjust back to the view of group think. We walk in the world with a trepidation and fear of what others may think of us. 

This results in a variety of barters such as - I will love you only if you love me back, I will be kind to you, if you are kind to me, I will be polite to you, only if you are polite to me. 

The warrior sets his aim at a robust courage and thinks and behaves in a manner independent of how he is treated and perceived by others. 

Many people behave in a manner of forced kindness and politeness that exists alongside a parallel fear that is fragile enough to ruin someones day or even their week if they don’t receive the same behaviour back. 

We often behave in a way that isn’t a genuine expression of our character but in a way that keeps us out of confrontation. 

This confrontation is not so much with others but avoiding the real confrontation with ourselves and the ongoing suppressing of who we are and what we could really become. 

This is the big inner battle and the suffering it rains upon us can be immense. 

Our misguided advice came early from teachers and parents and others who lived in immense fear themselves. 

A valued but false virtue of being nice, results in people indulging addictions, poor relationships, constant comfort seeking but mostly, the continued rejection of oneself. 

Later in life we realise that constantly seeking approval doesn’t get us where we want to be or cultivate the man we thought we would become. 

Yet most will continue with it. 

When we pursue the character we need to become and the ambitions this brings, we can feel guilty and our time becomes consumed by other peoples ideas and desires or our own numbing distractions. 

The only prize becomes the self righteousness of our overinflated niceness virtue.

This ends up becoming covert behaviour, that really translates as bartering for an easy life and the constant search for approval. Our concern for others can be nothing more than the concern for ourselves. 

Safe and secure become the main objective over what’s right. 

This is why we have cowardice in the world repackaged into anything that keeps us from facing injustice and cruelty, even in the face of the most shameful and terrible deeds.  

We tolerate everything outside of us whilst rejecting the inner voice that beckons us to be more and really transform our lives and in so doing, positively transforms society. 

We can see our modern society is endorsing and aiming at its false niceness virtue in the extreme. 

Appeasement becomes a lifestyle and this gives rise to being offended by everything, whilst indulging shameful acts and a moral degradation that has risen from its inability to recognise cowardice and the disregard of human dignity and integrity. 

The warriors path is different. 

You set your own standard. A standard that holds firm despite what’s going on around you. 

It is a real self leadership and one that will define the world around you. 

It’s vital a man understands the seeking of trying to keep everyone happy, is self destroying, harmful to society and actually impossible to do. 

Imagine pursuing an objective that cannot be accomplished. 

It is the road to bitterness. resentment and despair. 

Mark Twain  warns us:

“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.”

The warrior will always be in the minority and that’s exactly where he should be. 

Or perhaps Friedrich Nietzsche is more apt when he wrote: 

“In individuals, insanity is rare; but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule.”

I think the courage needed to stand alone is greatly understated. 

But it is one needed now more than ever. 

It is impossible to focus on keeping everyone happy whilst discovering exactly who you are and what you are capable of. 

You do get to choose and to help this choice it is important to know that people pleasing is linked to serious illnesses later in life, a huge regret that often shifts towards bitterness and a fear and anxiety that grows over time. 

Fear will be felt as you step on the warriors path but you will have a greater access to truth, you will access the truth of fear. 

It says:

“Step forward not back, step up not down, for the hero you set out to be is on the other side of fear.”